Holding a door open for a woman because she’s a woman is not just being nice – it’s being chivalrous. Allowing someone else to go in front of you in an elevator, picking up something someone has dropped – these are all nice things to do for others, regardless of gender. Holding doors open for people, for example, is being nice. Being nice is expressing or demonstrating consideration for another person – something that I agree all people should do for all other people. Something where people say: what on earth was that?!īecause here’s the thing: there is a difference between being chivalrous and being nice. A horrible, painful, loud and dramatic death is what I’m envisioning here. The woman may be on the pedestal, but it is the privilege of men that has put her there.Īnd that’s why chivalry needs to die. But actually it is patriarchy that is asserting its power. The woman may be on the pedestal, having doors opened, chairs pulled out, and meals paid for. Chivalry sets women upon a pedestal.Īs with most gender relations, the problem lies in the power differential. There’s no way around it – chivalry is about viewing women as fragile, delicate creatures who need special protection, special consideration, and special treatment. Because it blankets itself as courtesy while concealing a dramatic assertion of inequality between the sexes. Which is exactly why chivalry is dangerous. Just as I’ve become accustomed to receiving chivalry, men have become accustomed to extending it. Realizing this, I am actually starting to enjoy the very startled look on men’s faces as I don’t step forward first, or even (heaven help them), say “after you” and wait for them. When the doors open, I immediately start walking in or out without a second’s thought as to why I am automatically, almost subconsciously, determining that I am the more important person and should have the right to go first. In fact, I’ve noticed that I’ve gotten used to it. It is exceptionally rare that a man will walk into or out of an elevator before me. They’ve just been trained in a social construct that devalues women, in the same way that we all have.Įven if you weren’t born and raised in the American South, chivalry is deeply ingrained in our behaviors. They aren’t intending to be disrespectful, to deny women their agency, or to make assumptions about our abilities. They don’t catcall or sexually harass women on the street, they are thoughtful and sweet, and they believe in women’s equality and gender justice like good progressives.Īnd so I give them on break on chivalry, because I know that they don’t mean anything by it. Like most women, I believe my male friends to be nice people. They persevered to the end in any enterprise begun.Originally published on Fem2pt0 and cross-posted here with their permission. Knights always kept their faith and never turned their back on a foe. Knights were to fear God and maintain His Church. They always had to obey those who were placed in authority and were never allowed to refuse a challenge from an equal. Knights not only vowed to protect the weak but also vowed to guard the honor of all fellow knights. Knights were required to tell the truth at all times and always respect the honour of women. Knights vowed to be loyal, generous, and "of noble bearing". Knights not only had to be strong but they were also extremely disciplined and were expected to use their power to protect the weak and defenseless. All knights needed to have the strength and skills to fight wars in the Middle Ages. The Knight's Code of Chivalry was a moral system that stated all knights should protect others who can not protect themselves, such as widows, children, and elders. Always and everywhere be right and good against evil and injustice.Perform all duties that agree with the laws of God.Even if the knights knew death was near, they would rather die fighting than show weakness A single coward could discourage an entire army. Believe the Church's teachings and observe all the Church's directions.The Code of Chivalry can be summarized in ten "commandments": Over time its meaning has been refined to emphasize more ideals such as knightly virtues, honor, courtly love, courtesy, and less martial aspects of the tradition. It was originally conceived of as an aristocratic warrior code - the term derives from the French term for horseman - involving honor, gallantry, and individual training and service to others. Chivalry, or the Chivalric Code, is the traditional code of conduct associated with the medieval institution of knighthood. Essentially, a chivalric knight is a Christian military soldier. Chivalry arose from an idealized German custom.
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